Be happy for this moment

This moment.

katekatee — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:39:29 +0000

“How can I stand here with You, and not be moved by You? Could You tell me how can it be, any better than this?”

I’m sitting in Starbucks, like I do every Friday evening for several hours, but for some reason tonight, I am acutely aware of the beauty of this simple and seemingly normal moment. I value and look forward to my Friday afternoon and Friday night so much. It is serene and relaxing. I hang out in bookstores for a few hours before going to Starbucks to read and write before heading to my meetings. I told a friend on the phone today while I was in the bookstore how much I was enjoying just mulling through books and allowing myself to relax and enjoy the moment for exactly what it was.

I never used to be ANY good at relaxing. I actually hated allowing myself to take time to do things I enjoy, be low key and take a break from the chaos of daily life because all I could think about any time I did allow myself to was everything I could and should be doing but wasn’t. These days, though, I cherish and hold on tightly to the time I set aside on Friday afternoons to relax, do what I love to do and just let myself be present in quiet moments to myself. In the groups I run in, we call that “self care”

How glorious it is when we allow ourselves to simply exist. After all, we are human BEings, NOT human DOings, and sometimes, simply BEING is the most amazing thing that we can do for ourselves and the world.

standing in the gap and joy for the journey.

katekatee — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 05:21:54 +0000

I have recently realized how blessed I am to have people who are standing in the gap for me. I have been in a place of taking a really honest look at myself, my life and all that makes me who I am, and it has been really uncomfortable and scary, but really rewarding, too. It has been most rewarding in that I have had people by my side who are literally standing in the gap for me. They are loving me when I have yet to learn to love myself. They are believing in me when I have yet to find out what it really is to believe in myself. They are taking my phone calls in tears, encouraging me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this moment, and letting me lean on their belief in me and love for me until I can learn them for myself. I am learning what living in community really means, and what it means to be loved unconditionally exactly where I am on my journey, and I am so very grateful for the people who are by my side. You know who you are.

Though I have been doing a lot of self reflection lately, I have been constantly reminded by the awesome people in my life to “not forget to live” in the process of it. I am learning to take time to do things I enjoy, to laugh at the madness, and to never forget that I am in control of my own happiness, and that there is always joy for this journey if I am willing to be open to it and embrace it.

I hear this on the XM station I listen to multiple times a day, and every single time it hits me just as hard as the first time I heard it:

“It’s not that we need more to be thankful for, maybe we just need to be more thankful”

This couldn’t be more true, and as I walk through my days, I constantly remind myself to cultivate an attitude of gratitude and remember to be thankful for everything that makes my life uniquely mine! God has been so good to me!

Swine.

katekatee — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 05:54:15 +0000

I have to admit, I’ve been laughing about the absurdity of the swine flew “pandemic” and thinking everyone is just a little left of center in the crazy lengths they are going to to protect themselves. I’ve seen people wearing masks everywhere, handwashing stations set up at malls and parks, insane.

And then, I got it. I got all the hype, because I GOT SWINE. I started feeling puny Wednesday night late, and by Thursday, I was out for the count. I stupidly went to work, had someone come in and cover for me because I couldn’t be there, and came back to my apartment. Upon arrival here, my mom called, and said she was going to come pick me up. I was so weak, miserable and HOT that I didn’t care what anyone did, I just wanted to be well.

I spent Thursday night through Sunday afternoon at my parents, moving only to go from the couch to the bathroom to the bed daily. The fever was bad and the achey stuff sucked, but I’ll tell ya what… I have NEVER been SO WEAK in my life. It was like I was paralyzed, and every time I moved, even if it was to roll over, it felt like I was moving 5,000 pounds with me. It was awful. The most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life, by far.

Anyway, it’s Sunday night now (Well, 2am on Monday!) and I feel a lot better, though not 100%. I’m thankful that I’m on the mend. I pray for everyone who has it and will contract it, that they will stay hydrated and heal well.

And yo – do those things that I talked about in the beginning that make people look like idiots… Wear a mask, have hand sani in your purse, pocket, nostrils and ears, any crevace you can keep it in, I don’t care… USE IT. Swine is not a joke, and it is not fun to have. Be a fool… at least you will stay healthy, which, makes you not a fool afterall

Too blessed to be stressed…

katekatee — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 03:20:30 +0000

is what I am.

I’ve had a really off week. I haven’t been feeling well physically or emotionally and I’ve been in a rut. I have been really stressed about lots of things in life and the uncertainty of the times Im in have been eating at me. Today, I had a bit of a wake up call

Jenna and Laura came in to work and I got off and we went to Target together. I was in absolute awe of how aware I was just of how freaking blessed I am to have people in my life that literally redefine the word family. Though we are not related by blood, they are my family. Jenna is my little sister, Drew is my little brother, Laura and Bruce are my other parents. I don’t hesitate to say they are my family, I don’t care when people think it’s weird. We put the fun in dysfunction, we always have, and we alwaysss and forever will I could never in a million years express my gratitude to God for putting them in my life, and especially for the incredible sisterhood that He gave Jenna and I. Despite and through everything, even ourselves, our differences, our feuds, flaws and inadequacies, our bond remains unbreakable. Life changes, we change and circumstances change, but real and true love works through everything and in the end, remains. That is so true of Jenna and I’s relationship. No other relationship in my life has blessed me, challenged me, grown me and completed me more than my relationship with my sweet little sister

On the drive home, I talked on the phone with my phenomenal sponsor who never fails to help me do the next right thing and put everything in perspective. I have been in such a funk all week and I just want to snap out of ittt. She encouraged me to jsut let everything go tonight and have some self care time! Well, I really stink at self care, but with the help of some awesome people and an awesome program I am taking baby steps. So, I decided on going for a run. Running always makes me feel better and gets a lot of my stress and frustrations out. Well, boy, did I run! I ran and ran and ran. And cried and cried. And prayed and prayed. And ran some more. I ended up running all the way from my apartment to Ardrey Kell HS and back. And on the way back, I threw up… Nothing like a good, hard run! And when I got home, I felt like every tension was gone from my body. Exercise is a glorious thing!

I came home and put a load of laundry in and relaxed for a bit, went to my parents to play with the dog and let her out, and now Im lying in my bed curled up with my awesome kitty. Sometimes life just isn’t easy. And sometimes I get really caught up in everything that is stressful and wrong. Like all week this week. But, I heard something on the radio the other day that really hit me hard: “Maybe we don’t need more to be thankful for, maybe we just need to be more thankful”. This really couldn’t be more true. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is so essential to our daily life. We always have plenty to be thankful for, we just need to become more thankful people.

Though I may not feel well today, and though I may be finding things difficult to deal with right now, and though things may seem grim… I will choose for this moment to be thankful, and I will choose for this moment to let go and let God, and I will choose for this moment to be of good heart…. because I am entirely too blessed to be stressed

<3Katekatee

Things Im thankful for today…

katekatee — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 04:11:57 +0000

My Daddy and Mommy
My sweet kitty
Clean towels
Cold and clean water to drink
My al-anon family
Employment
Curling up in bed with a good book
My hair getting longer
Fall being here (even though it was 90degrees today… cooler weather is coming!)
Sami Yazdanyar
Beyonce
The joy that football brings me
The neverending, unfailing love of Jesus

I have a job interview tomorrow I need to see my best friend (I hope soon!). I can’t wait for Justine and Allison to come. I am so tired. Goodnight.

Rest easy, my friends.

Kate<3

A New Phase of Life

katekatee — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 02:40:21 +0000

Our lives are a series of phases. I’ve recently entered a new phase of life… one that I am deeming “I am an adult and it is very confusing and stressful and scary and fun and most of all worth it”. A long name for a phase of life, huh?

Well, it really is all of those things. I am a young adult, living on my own, supporting myself, and learning and growing a lot. The older I get, the more I realize that the less I know And the more I become enthralled with life and every single aspect of it from the worst to the best of moments, times, days and phases.

I’m finding that happiness is about a choice. And that choice really isn’t even about happiness at all, it is about gratitude. Gratitude and living in the moment have been two overriding themes in my life lately, and I find that when I am grateful to simply be alive in this moment, happiness ensues. I have SO much to be grateful for. No matter how difficult things can be, how tight money gets, how crazy and busy life is, there has never been a time in my life that I was not fundamentally okay. I have chosen to cultivate a conscious awareness of the beauty of every single moment that I am given, and to leave the past in the past and the future in the hands of the One who created me and loves me with an everlasting, perfect love. When I only have to look at today, at right now, my life becomes manageable. Anything beyond today creates anxiety and stress that I don’t really need. For right now, I am okay, I am grateful, I am alive and blessed to be so

All for love,

KateKatee<3